


Dark and Light

by ofhopesanddreams



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Past Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-15
Updated: 2015-10-15
Packaged: 2018-04-26 13:54:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5007286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ofhopesanddreams/pseuds/ofhopesanddreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose's relationship with Jimmy Stone left her with more than just debt. After a particularly bad nightmare, she finally tells the Doctor what happened, and the reason she's kept him in the dark. The Doctor's response brings to light more than how unfounded her fear was.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dark and Light

Rose was used to nightmares. After Jimmy Stone, how could she not be? 

His soft touches, warm lips, kind words, promises, and the feeling of being chosen were enough to make her leave school, leave home, wanting to follow him anywhere. But then he manipulated her into bed; her hesitance and refusal were bypassed and ignored and though his words were still kind, his touches were callused, unwanted, and the fire she felt turned to cold ash. When she tried to leave a couple days later, he held her down, speaking words of affection until she had calmed enough to “see sense.” Those words of affection proved empty (again) when a couple months after that he ran off with another girl, leaving her life a mess and her insides hollow.

Things are completely different now.

Traveling and being with the Doctor has been nothing like that living nightmare; sure, there’s been danger and close calls and little (and occasionally not-so-little) arguments that hurt both of them. There was the shock of him regenerating and refiguring out where their relationship stands. But she’s happier than she can ever remember being and she knows she wouldn’t trade any of it for the world. 

But every so often her subconscious will dredge up memories or even create similar situations with faceless men just to keep things interesting. The Doctor doesn’t know, of course; he has more important things to worry about than her nightmares and what’s causing then. And she’s mostly resigned to it at this point; the nightmares aren’t often bad enough to do anything but jerk her awake and keep her up for a little while, and by morning she can only remember them vaguely. Unfortunately, tonight she isn’t that lucky.

Rose wakes with a strangled yell. Her heart is pounding, and she takes a few deep breaths to try and calm herself. But that does nothing to quell the images in her head or make the phantom soreness of her body disappear. It was just a dream; a nightmare that didn’t actually happen despite the way her body feels. She is safe, in her bed, in the TARDIS. ….Oh no.

The Doctor had probably heard her this time, and would be coming to see if she’s okay. She isn’t, of course, but what will he say if she told him everything? She quickly gets out of bed and makes for the door in a panic. But before she barely takes a few steps, she hears a soft knock and watches as the door opens enough for the Doctor to peek his head through.

“Rose?”

Upon hearing his voice, she lets out a sob and gets back on the bed, curling in on herself.

“Rose! Are you okay?”

The Doctor quickly makes his way over to her, climbing across her bed to pull her into his arms. But she flinches at his touch, and his eyebrows furrow together as he drops his hands. She’s always been okay with his touch, even actively seeking it out. And this is…unnerving. 

“What was your nightmare about?” he asks quietly.

“It’s nothing,” she mumbles.

“Obviously not.”

Rose sighs heavily and lifts her head to look at him. He is silhouetted slightly by the light coming in from the open door, but she can still see his concerned expression. He tentatively brings a hand to her cheek, but hovers right next to her skin. Rose hesitates for a fraction of a second, and then leans her face into his hand. The Doctor lets out the breath he’d been holding.

“Talk to me,” he says gently, caressing her cheekbone with his thumb. Rose chews her bottom lip and he waits a moment before holding out his arms. She comes willingly this time, needing to feel the familiarity and safety of his embrace, but tries not to cling to him too tightly.

“Rose,” the Doctor whispers into her hair, “you know me better than any human ever has. You’ve seen the dark in me and still you stay. You’ve been there when I’ve had nightmares; will you let me do the same?”

He feels Rose take a deep breath, and he knows she’s steeling herself so he squeezes her a little more tightly in reassurance.

“I…I was raped,” Rose finally admits out loud. She can feel the Doctor tense, but he pulls her even closer so she continues. “He’s an ex-boyfriend of mine. Jimmy Stone.” 

She sighs, needing to collect herself again. “I was sixteen – dropped out of school and left home to move in with him. I fell hard and wasn’t thinking right. Things were fine at first, he was a gentleman and all that, but then he said he loved me and after that I let him take me to bed but, uh, realized I wasn’t ready and told him to stop and to get off me. ‘Course, he ignored me. He didn’t…he didn’t actually hurt me, though. I mean, it hurt when he—but he didn’t give me bruises or nothing like you see in most cases. I tried to leave a couple days later. I don’t think it would’ve been for good; I had left everything for him, you know, but we got in a fight and he…he ended up holding me down until I calmed down enough not to leave and he was able to “make me see sense”, as he put it. Left me for someone else a couple months later.” 

She pauses before adding, “My nightmares are just…based on all that. Usually worse, as if my subconscious is trying to tell me that I got lucky.”

Although she had managed not to cry, her voice was quiet and emotionless by the time she finished. The Doctor has remained eerily still since pulling her closer…finding it hard to even breathe so that his respiratory bypass has to pick up the slack. There’s a minute or two of silence –Rose still so absorbed in her thoughts that she doesn’t really notice—before the Doctor speaks.

“Oh, Rose,” his voice is strained, as though he’s trying very hard to keep his emotions in check. He takes a deep breath in attempt to gain some control, but the exhale is shaky. At this, Rose’s eyes finally well up with tears and she burrows into his chest. She sniffles a bit, but doesn’t break down. The Doctor holds her tight and kisses her hair over and over. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asks quietly, but his tone is gentle instead of accusing. 

“I…I didn’t want you to think differently about me. To think I’m damaged goods.”

The Doctor shifts so that he can look into her eyes.

“Do you want to know what I think about you?” 

Rose presses her lips together in trepidation, but she nods. 

“You are the bravest and most compassionate human –or creature even—that I’ve ever met. You never back down; not from danger and not even from me. You have such a capacity for love, even when someone doesn’t deserve it and regardless of how you’ve been treated. You are so beautiful. I could get lost in your eyes and your smile makes my knees weak and I’ve never felt like this about anyone before which quite frankly is terrifying. But you inspire me and give me hope and make me better and Rose…none of what he did is your fault and nothing could ever dampen the light you are in my life.” 

Rose’s eyes are wide as she processes everything he just said. The Doctor holds his breath; he just told her he loved her without _actually_ saying it and his hearts are pounding. Rose makes a kind of choked noise in the back of her throat and suddenly throws her arms around him, pushing him back on the bed and catching his lips with hers. His laughs in relief, and kisses her back; lips moving gently against hers as he threads his hands into her hair.

Rose pulls back for breath, and the Doctor moves his hands to brush her hair out of her eyes and holds her face with trembling hands. They’re quiet for a long moment, just looking at each other.

Rose eventually whispers, “I should try and get back to sleep,” a pause, “will you stay with me?”

“Forever,” the Doctor promises quietly, and pulls her in for another kiss.


End file.
